How Did I Get Here

How did I get here…I guess I stopped looking

 

So often in this past year or so I have found myself wondering how my life got to where it is today where I am separated from my husband and weighing over 100lbs more than my healthy weight.

 

When did my husband stop loving me and when did my pants size increase by 6 sizes?  When did he stop coming home and staying out all night?  When did my size 12 pants feel so tight that they could not button up?  When did my husband stop taking my phone calls and always send me to a voicemail box that was never set up?  When did my shirt size start having a letter and number combination?  When did my husband stop wearing his wedding ring?  When did I start having trouble walking up more than one flight of stairs without stopping to catch my breath?

 

As I reflect on all these moments I can tell you when each and everyone one of these moments happened. Such as when my husband stopped wearing his wedding ring, which happened more than 15 years ago. For the moment when the size of my tops started being a number and letter combination instead of just a letter, it was about 17 years ago.  So the answer to how I got here is I guess I just stopped looking.  Even though I knew these moments were happening, I just refused to focus on them and put them in perspective. I guess it was just easier to not look.  It seemed easier to wait things out and hope for the best.

 

Now I can’t not look anymore. My husband and I are getting a divorce and I have been diagnosed with both high blood pressure and am pre-diabetic.  My eyes have now been opened wide and no longer can I or will I stop looking.

 

Comment below if you had a time where you wondered how you got to this moment in life and realized you had just stopped looking?

 

Share your own contorted life of twists and turns with this blog community by emailing your story to contortedlife@gmail.com.

 

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